My life in picture

This is a painting that Jan Johnson put up during one of the retreat she led.  She pointed out several different reactions of the disciples when facing maybe the strongest storm of their lives.  It hit me between the eyes like a 4 by4.

There was I, several years ago, frantically trying to "save everyone".  I was the seminar trained pastor.  I wanted to help.  I knew what to do.  Let me do it!

Then, there was I, after trying so hard and so very earnestly, finally realized that I could not "save" anyone (myself included), I stumbled to the side of the boat and just vomited (see that poor guys hanging over the side of the boat, his face greenish gray).....well, for quite some time.

Then I heard God said: Esther, why didn't you take a nap like Jesus?

My restless soul suddenly calmed down and settled, and I sat there for a long time.  After the retreat, for about a year, "go take a nap" became my life motto of some sort.   And slowly I came to understand why the painter painted as he did. 

My hope and prayer is that one day, in the midst of stormy sea of life (and there are many), I can calmly and confidently sit at Jesus feet, trusting, listening, learning and waiting.  Not because I can control the boat well as a skilled fisher-woman, or I no longer fearful of the dangers and unknown, but because I have followed Jesus long enough, know him well enough, trust him and love him with all my heart that I can just be.....as Jesus did and still do today.